Starting Over

Somewhere in the year of 2013-2014? I let my life get derailed and it never really started again after that. My dad died in January of 2013 and my mom took that to mean that (since I was single?) I was to become her chauffeur, cook and house cleaner. Oh, and keep the golf cart running even though it needed more than I could do to help it. And karaoke. Let’s not forget the karaoke. Things didn’t look very good right then.

She mostly wanted me to drive her to and from Texas.
When she returned from Texas? I was supposed to want to return also.
Tend the golf cart in the summer heat? No, she didn’t feel it needed that.
She didn’t like my cooking so we were going to go out to eat 2X a day for long sit down lunches.
House Clean? I had no time or energy after eating out so much.
Karaoke. I was to sing karaoke every Saturday.

Somewhere in that task list? I lost me. And I somehow forgot to find me again.

There were a couple of times I surfaced. I realized I was gaining weight quickly after having lost a hundred pounds. I went on a diet (but they are never called that anymore.) I found a new and better way of eating. Seriously? I still try to follow that way of eating. Its called Trim Healthy Mama. I hated the name but loved the premise. A cross between Atkins and healthier eating in a way. I had part of the meals down pat. A lighter form of Atkins. And chocolate okra shakes for breakfast. I remember that much. But I lost much of the rest.

So mom no longer comes to Texas, I inherited the golf cart. She got irked because I wanted to get my knees operated on, decided when I couldn’t immediately come get her as I wasn’t cleared to drive long distances, and couldn’t take her out twice a day for a month that she would rather stay home in the cold Illinois winters and live in an assisted living facility that isn’t really an assisted living facility. They just cook all her meals in a dining room that she goes to. Maybe it was really a match made in heaven. Except she calls me to complain about their cooking.

Life beat on me a bit more, spit me out and well, here I am. Starting over. It’s taken a while until I could face starting over. But life waited for me to make that decision; that I needed to start over. It’s funny though, isn’t it? That while one waits floundering, trying to get up and move on? That the quality of one’s life seems to keep eroding. That erosion didn’t really help me move on though.


Marty